The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
