i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize