I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's even glitter on my cock...
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