cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
