My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone shit on the floor
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
