I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
