Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we made out on top of his cat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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