i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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