When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
