I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
