i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
