My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
