Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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