Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
