woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
