My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
