dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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