so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
