I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
