I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
