Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
