I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
