Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
