saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
