Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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