this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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