Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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