I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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