i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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