either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
