...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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