Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
