He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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