Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
