If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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