FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
