plz talk dirty to me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
