my mouth tastes like poor choices
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
