I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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