You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i dont even know how to be here
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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