I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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