there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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