I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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