The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
