I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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