There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
