woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
