I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
