She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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