I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
