Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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