Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
