the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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