well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
