i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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