think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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