Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
