First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
