Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
