I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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