The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
