Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
