FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
