While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
