I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Randomize
