Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
