You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
