Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
