There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
