so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
