My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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