It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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