Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
