you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
