moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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