apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
