you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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