I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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