Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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