every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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