Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
