I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
