The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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