Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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