At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
