he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
