pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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