YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
