I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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