this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
