i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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