I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
